No Calling DIBS!
This weekend’s edition of Doc’s Phreaking Weekend Tips will hopefully save a few friendships. There have been many a wise tale about the un-coolness of approaching a women after your friend has called DIBS on her.
The DIBS Rule
First of all, you need to understand and believe one steadfast fact before even beginning to fathom the DIBS rule. You can call DIBS on the last slice of Pizza. You can call DIBS on the last brew in the cooler. Yes, you can call DIBS or Shotgun on the front seat when going on a road trip. And, once DIBS is called, no man can challenge or attempt to revoke it.
What you absolutely cannot do is call DIBS on a female. Never, ever, attempt to do this! Your effort will end in catastrophic failure.
The DIBS Urban Legend
Many advice columns and so-called “Man Rules” guides will tell you to never try to pick up a woman your friend has called DIBS on. For centuries this dogma has spread like an epidemic among dudes with little or no game. Just like urban legends like “alligators in sewers” and “Richard Gere and the gerbil,” this one is simply not true.
A female is neither yours nor anyone else’s property. Therefore, she can't be marked for “No Trespassing!”
If you succeed in calling off your dogs and your boys actually stay away from the one you've targeted, she'll eventually discover your doings and hate your guts--ESPECIALLY if you met in a group, and she found herself with an affinity for one of your brethren. Then the parade of horribles ensues: she'd start flirting with him (probably the best mate of your crew), and you'd get ticked at him just as if he cock-blocked or salted your game. She'd be guaranteed to dislike you once your friend admits he can't date her because he doesn’t want to piss you off.
Think about it. You’ve seen this one go down, or have been a victim yourself, on an occasion or five.
The last word on DIBS
My advice is for all men to realize that, just because you like someone doesn't automatically mean that it's reciprocal. She simply may not be into you--so why would you stop your friend from finding possible happiness with her. If she's that attractive, you’ll be lucky to have her company as a friend, or, better yet “Wing Woman.”
Here's another thing to kindle hope: women change their minds. Often. So, don't despair if she's first enamored with your best friend. In your group, if you're as charming as you think, she may decide to change focus and pick a different guy, who just may be you! In any case, you have no say in the matter. You've got a life. Just move on.
Now you can put the DIBS legend on the same shelf as the Yeti and the Sasquatch. Have a great weekend.