I'm Not IN Love With You.
I'm Not in Love With You...
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A few weeks ago, we asked you to send us your questions. Reader Cara K. did. She asks:
" My boyfriend of almost two years and I were recently having a conversation about our relationship and where we stood. I knew this was cheesy to ask, but I did, anyway. "Do you like me, or love me?" The only reason I asked was because I was sensing he was starting to have some doubts about our relationship. He replied, "Well, I love being with you, but I don't what love is." What does this mean?"
Although there are a few different ways to interpret this, Cara, it seems pretty clear from what he said that he views you as a dear friend. What's unsaid is whether that represents a change. We almost expect him to say, "You know, it isn't you, it's me." That's a kind way--something High Society Man always advocates--to let someone down easier.
What does the word love mean to you? Love is born of trust, joy, and shared experiences. It's a gift borne of the union of mind and soul. I could continue to wax eloquent, but like life itself, love is subject to change. It can't be contained. In fact, if you try to hold onto it, it'll break free. When you try to control someone's love, you'll ultimately fail. Their spirit will not allow such effrontery.
Some of us wear our hearts on our sleeves, and declare our love up front. However honest this may be at the outset, it can be premature. It's pretty human to want to hold onto the feeling--and all those endorphins. But if feelings change, the only honorable thing to do is to change, too. And sometimes that means letting go.
One of my favorite lines is from the philosopher, Khalil Gibran, who wrote, ""If you love someone, let them go, for if they return they are yours always, and if they do not, then they never truly were."
I hate to break it to you, but there's no such thing as THE ONE. Of seven billion people on this planet, there are only ONES we love. And love is unlimited.
So understand this. Enjoy the time you spend together. Enjoy love and the understandings, new and old, you've cultivated.
Cara, this may not be quite the answer you were looking for, but please consider it and then get back to us. Relationships intrigue us, and readers and our friends frequently ask us about love. Thanks!